Dave Ross Commentary – Listen: Congress holds hearings; gas doesn’t budge

For those of you NEW to this country, we have a tradition here that whenever the price of gas exceeds the price of a Starbucks Caramel Frappucino, we hold a congressional hearing.

We call in oil company CEOs and subject them to enhanced interrogation techniques:

“Senate Democrats are hammering the oil company executives.”

Yes, sometimes the Democrats will even use small hand tools.

But it never works. Not only can Congress not agree on what to do, they can’t even agree on a metaphor to describe why they’re not doing it:

“Our dog and pony will feel very much at home. I’ve got to tell you that.”

“You’d have an easier time convincing the American people that a unicorn just flew into this hearing room.”

Oh face it, both sides love $4 gas. Conservatives like it because makes the oil companies rich, and Liberals like it because it forces conservatives to drive the same funny little cars they do.

But none of that matters because, experts will tell you the REAL reason gas prices are high is that countries like China want to adopt the American middle class SUV lifestyle, and they need oil to do it.

Well say it with me again people — who invented the American lifestyle? AMERICA!

And what do we tell non-Americans who want to copy it?

YOU CAN’T! Because that’s lifestyle piracy.

Never mind the oil CEOs; put CHINA’s CEOs at the witness table and tell them that if they want to copy a lifestyle, copy Europe’s. Live in little skinny apartment buildings next to train stations, AND commute to work in those tiny capsule cars which I believe are powered by a pouty chardonnay.

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